Stripper Money

inside jokes and the family trust fund

Last year a friend texted me from the airport, asking for a miracle. She had spent weeks planning a tropical vacation with her two tweenage boys, and spent the night prior to their flight chiding each one to pack appropriately for the climate. Sunblock. Hats. Footwear ideal for the icy jet bridge and the scalding sand. Before getting in the car, each displayed their passports and phones for final, last-minute checks so that no absentminded adolescent would ruin the trip.

“I forgot my luggage,” she texted me.

“Help?”

The boys had all of their gear, but mom had only her purse - phone, wallet, passport, and the clothes on her back. Her brand new bag packed with cute beach gear and books was on her bed back at home… along with her pride.

“I was so focused on them… what do I do?”

“Do you take any prescriptions?” I texted back.

“Nope.”

“Buy a book and a bathing suit - Have a great time!”

I’ve made a sport out of packing light - sometimes choosing a day pack in lieu of a roll aboard for extended trips, or using my luggage to carry gifts or offerings to and fro with only small amounts of my own personal stuff. For my first solo trip to Hawaii, I took two swimsuits and a toothbrush. And for my two month stay in the Bahamas I brought two outfits, toiletries, a yoga mat, and protein bars. And India was 18 pairs of underwear, an extra outfit, and seven kinds of anti-diarrheal medications, all of which stayed in country. My theory is that - aside from things like prescription medications or a security detail - anything you need for the climate and activities is sold wherever you are going. If you have the luxury of a little spending money you can replace your flip flops in Costa Rica (just don’t buy them at the resort, or you’ll pay $20 for $2 flops).

Because I am also frugal, if I had been in her tennis shoes I probably would have chatted up folks in the airport with my story, and I’ll bet you that I could have collected sunscreen and a few beach items from folks returning home. I’ve never tried, but several times when sitting out by the creek I’ve had folks offer me their sunscreen so they don’t have to fly home with it… so I can imagine that folks laying over in Denver might be talked out of their overages. I’ve definitely traded books with other travelers when my flight was delayed, and I’ve handed off resources to others (mostly M&Ms). My friend had teenagers to bum shirts, hats, and shampoo off of, and so she wound up buying a bathing suit, sunglasses, sandals, a sundress, and a book, all of which cost her less than checking her bag would have.

In the years before pandemic era, I would drive my person to the airport for his frequent business trips. Few things are as valuable to me as airport drop-off and pick-up, and so you could argue that it is my third or fourth love language, after both science and soup. In fact, my Google map has a star on the Starbucks I like best near the Denver airport, where I would wait before or after so as not to spend rush hours in traffic.

On departure, I would try to sneak three things into his luggage: snack nuts, a note, and $20 in cash, which I call ‘stripper money.’