How to Have Feelings

without getting lost in the forest

Today on the bike path, a mini-Spiderman whizzed past me at a gallup with no grownups in sight. I paused, and looked over my shoulder to see if there were some panting or lumbering large folk, possible flailing and signaling to the disobedient young one halfway to Denver. After waiting a few Mississippis in time, I followed him, aware that he was headed towards all manner of traffic, an iced over river, and the dregs of this morning’s disappointingly Grinch-less holiday parade which included both horses and inmates.

I caught up with the young Spiderman who had been stopped by another woman walking her own party-eyed dog, and the three of us engaged in a game of witty banter-ish questions at some distance. I’ll call her Kelly.

”Do you know where your grownups are?”
”Do they know where you are?”
”Did you park your car here?”
”Do you know your dad’s name?”
”Do you know your grandpa’s name?”
”Do you know what your grandpa is wearing today?”
”Do you know how old you are?”

Spiderman (going on four years old) was full of nos, until we got to the three digit response to the final inquiry.

And then, there were tears.

”You’re having feelings,” I said. “It’s ok. You and Kelly can stay here and I’ll go look for your grownups.”

Dakota and I trotted in our jaunty way for a few minutes, and finally encountered a pair of gents on a slow saunter.

”You missing a Spiderman?” I asked.

Indeed they were, and they appeared not to be having feelings about it.

Our child-free household has had multiple opportunities to participate in proxy parenting, including these spontaneous crossings. I feel most grateful to my pal Kelly, who validated that I’m not completely out of my gourd that a 3 year old should not be cycling alone downtown. But second, I’m grateful to Spiderman who seemed to have many different feelings in rapid succession, which abated and resolved into other feelings as soon as the grownups and I rounded the bend.

My hyper vigilance aside, I was grateful to the tiny superhero who seemed consumed only by his emotional arc and not by the thing which has perplexed me ever since _Atlas of the Heart_ unraveled my having of emotions into untangling and naming the damned things.